No More Regrets
by goodpenny
Summary: Maria Schneider hasn't seen Jurgens in years, but she still feels a duty to defend him.


Normally, Maria pays no mind to the new recruits when she's off duty, but the Auburn boy has the misfortune of bearing a faint resemblance to the late Colonel Novak. Auburn's not nearly as imposing, or as composed, but the potential's there, so Maria is wary.

And then Maria notices the girl at Auburn's side. Her hair's still unruly, still brilliantly blonde, and her eyes are just as wild as they were that day. Maria feels her face tighten. The girl (she's called Rue now) is way too young to be in a bar, especially a bar right off a military base. And most especially in a bar right off a military base with someone like Nov...Auburn.

The Captain (no, just Jurgens, now. Keep it together, Maria) would have a fit if he knew. That's probably why Rue's here. Maria finds herself striding down the length of the bar before she realizes what she's doing.

"Sergeant Auburn," she snaps in her most commanding voice, "are you aware this young lady is a minor?"

Auburn snaps up straight and turns. "Ma'am? No, ma'am!"

"You are now." She fixes Rue with her own glare. "You. Come with me."

Either three years have somewhat mellowed the girl, or the authority that came with Maria's promotion to captain has finally infused her with a commanding presence. Whatever the reason, Rue doesn't throw a fit. Instead, she follows Maria outside and into the parking lot.

"It's two-thirty in the afternoon," Maria says, turning to face Rue.

"Little early to be drinking, isn't it?"

Maria arches an eyebrow. "You tell me."

They stare at each other for a moment. Rue clenches and unclenches her fists, but she doesn't lash out, which is good, because Maria's not certain she'd win a fight. It took three men to hold Rue down that day.

"Are you going to tell me I should be in school?"

"I don't think you need me pointing out the obvious."

"But that sergeant did?"

"He was under the impression you're old enough to be in a bar."

"And you just had to correct him."

"You know the Military Code of Conduct as well as I do."

Rue makes a tiny jerky motion like she's about to punch. Maria finds herself shifting into a more defensive stance and doesn't bother moving out of it when Rue slowly unclenches her fist. She does, however, soften her tone. "I should be asking why you're not in school, but I suspect the classes are not challenging enough, and that you're angry at the people who put you there, and that at best, your classmates ignore you, and at worse, they gang up on you because you've shown them how well you can fight."

For a moment, Rue looks like a lost little girl. Then her anger returns. "You've been talking to the bastard."

"Jurgens isn't a bastard." Maria closes her eyes. It's the wrong thing to say even though it's true.

"Everyone's a bastard!" Rue screams. "You think he's not using us? You think he took us in because he's _nice_? Nobody's nice. Not like that. He's just dealing with his guilt!" She takes a shaky breath, and when she speaks again, her voice is flat and hollow. "He's no better than Colonel Dewey. At least he had been a man, and he said we were beautiful, and he didn't say it out of guilt."

There's no good way to reply. Maria feels something in her chest tighten, and she realizes she's as sad for Rue and the other girls as she is for Jurgens. Is this how Jurgens feels every day? Are these the conversations he has with the girls? Even after three years?

"You know I'm right," Rue says, and Maria can't bring herself to stop the girl as she walks away.

* * *

Maria hasn't seen Jurgens since his discharge. She's fairly certain she wouldn't be here now had it not been for her encounter with Rue. He and the girls live on the outskirts of the city, just close enough to be on the transit lines (when they're working) and just far enough out to have a home with an actual yard. Maria feels strangely nervous and too much like an intruder as she knocks. 

"Sir," she says when Jurgens opens the door.

He blinks at her once, twice, and then he gives her a half smile. "You don't need to call me that."

"Old habits, sir. At least I didn't salute."

"I saw your hand twitch." He steps aside. "Come in."

The house is...surprising and not surprising. It's tidy, which she expects from Jurgens, but bare. No pictures of the girls grace the walls, and Maria thinks it has to be their choice. Jurgens is the type to surround himself with proof of his family.

Maria wonders if he still has the small chunk of foundation from his old home.

"I hear you had a run-in with Rue," he says, leading her down the hall towards the kitchen.

"It was about a month ago, sir."

"The bartender called me. Rue..." He rubs the back of his neck. "It's been hard with her. The others, too, but especially with her."

Above them, the floorboards creak.

"The girls are home."

"I see," Maria says, sitting down at the kitchen table at Jurgens' gesture.

He brings them coffee and then sits across from her. He lights a cigarette, smiling slightly at Maria's instinctive twitch to tell him to put it out. It's the first time she's missed the Izumo so painfully. Things were simple then, at least in comparison.

"You'd think after three years, I'd have made more progress."

Yes, things were simple then. Maria cups her mug between her palms. "If it's any consolation, sir, all girls become impossible when they hit puberty."

He snorts. "All kids, not just girls." He reaches for the ashtray and snubs out his cigarette. "Still, I wish I was better at doing right by them. They've had it rough enough."

The floorboards creak again. Both Maria and Jurgens look up. "Have you done any landscaping, sir?"

"They're a bit smarter than that." He rises. "But I seem to recall you like flowers, so I'd be a bad host if I didn't show you the garden."

Jurgens doesn't have a garden as much as he has a miniature meadow of wildflowers out back. Maria can't help her gasp as they step off the back porch. It's so lovely!

"The girls claim to hate it, but I sometimes find a vase of flowers on the kitchen table. I think it may be Rue." He nods up at the second story of the house. Maria catches a quick flutter of motion in the window.

"I think I know what your problem is, sir."

"You can stop calling me that. I'm not your captain."

"I notice you haven't called me Maria, sir."

He winces. Maria quickly adds, "Or Schneider."

"Schneider," he says slowly, as if testing it without her rank. "I hear you're a captain now."

"Yes."

"I'm glad our mutiny didn't harm your career."

"It didn't have to end yours."

"I could either be the captain of the Izumo or a father to the girls." He kneels and runs his hands over a cluster of daises. "I'd been a captain long enough."

Maria kneels next to him. She doesn't know how to reply to that comment, so she gets herself back on track. "I think Rue can't believe you because she believed Colonel Novak."

Jurgens grunts. "Could be." He glances at her. "That doesn't help me much, though. Not unless you're really here to talk to Rue."

"I needed to see you first."

He's silent for a moment. Then he says, "I'll go get Rue. That is, if you're willing."

She manages to dredge up a smile. "Old habits, sir. I can't say no."

* * *

Rue slams the back door a little too forcefully. "He rejected you, didn't he?" she asks, leaning over the back railing and sounding downright gleeful. 

Maria shifts so she's facing Rue. "He still loves his wife. You know how she died, don't you?"

"What makes you think I care?"

"I didn't say you cared. I said you know how she died."

That makes Rue straighten up. "I know." Her face looks haunted.

Maria stands and dusts her palms off on her skirt. "It's horrible, what happened to you and the others."

Rue narrows her eyes. "I don't want your pity."

"What about empathy? Compassion? I'm afraid even if you don't want it, you have it. Mine. Jurgens'."

"Shut up!" Rue twirls and heads back inside, slamming the door again. A moment later, Maria can hear her screaming inside, and from the chorus of high voices, the other girls are entering the fray. There's no masculine counterpart, so either Jurgens is remaining silent, or the girls are arguing amongst themselves.

Maria considers venturing inside. Then the argument ends, and Rue storms back out onto the porch. "You're no better than Colonel Dewey. He said pretty things, too."

"And you believed them."

"Of course I believed them! He said we were beautiful. He said he were special. And I thought..."

Maria takes a step forward. "You thought he loved you."

"Nobody loved us."

"That's not true now." Another step. She's halfway to the porch.

Rue snorts. "Oh, what? You're going to tell me the bastard loves us?"

"Jurgens said he could either be the captain of the Izumo or a father to your girls." Step. "He loved that ship and everyone on it, so to give it up for you, yes, he loves you."

Maria's close enough to reach out and touch Rue now, so she places her hand on the girl's shoulder. Rue jerks her head up, but she doesn't knock Maria's hand away or pull back.

"You were half-right," Maria continues. "Jurgens is dealing with his guilt. He was part of the military when...well, when you and the others were orphaned and his family was killed. But that doesn't mean he's using you. It just means he's human."

Rue nudges Maria's hand off her shoulder. "I don't care," she says flatly, and then she goes back inside.

This time, there's no screaming.

Maria sits down on the back step. She should probably leave now. She's seen Jurgens and talked to Rue, and she still feels like an intruder. But she has the nagging feeling that there's something left for her to do.

Or perhaps she's just hoping (vainly) that something more will happen. That maybe the other girls will come out and say it's not that bad here, that Jurgens is really nice, and Rue's just having trouble. Or that maybe Jurgens will come out and call her Maria, not Schneider.

Jurgens does come out, but he doesn't call her Maria. He hands her another mug of coffee and then sits down next to her. The steps are narrow enough that their shoulders touch.

Maria sips her coffee. "I don't think I did much good."

"You said what you needed to." He's silent for a moment. "How long is your leave?"

"Just for the weekend."

"Hmmm."

She sets her empty mug down. "I should go."

Jurgens doesn't look up at her. His gaze is focused on a patch of daises near the back fence. "You should stay for dinner."

Maria smiles and sits down next to him again. "I'd like that."


End file.
